Saying “Yes” to the Dress and “No” to Modesty Culture

Pushing back against man-made rules and regulations

Photo by Burgess Milner on Unsplash

(A six-minute read.)

During my recent vacation, I read the book Unorthodox, by Deborah Feldman, which details her journey in and out of the strict sect of Hasidic Judaism she grew up in. I had seen the Netflix series with the same name a few years ago, which was based on the book, so I was fascinated to have the canvas filled in a bit more as she described her upbringing in this strict fundamentalist community in Williamsburg—which is a neighborhood in Brooklyn, New York.

Perhaps the most fascinating—though tragic—vignette Feldman shared was her repeated revisiting of something called choteh umachteh es harabim, which is roughly translated, “the sinner who makes others sin,” which is an interesting expression and idea (to say the least).

This is especially applied to what women wear as they try to avoid leading men into sin through their immodesty.

To say that Hasidic women dress modestly as a result would be an understatement; married women, for example, cannot allow men—other than their husbands—to see their natural hair and must wear wigs.

“Modesty,” Feldman thus writes, “is the highest attainment for a young woman.”

She even shares the heartbreaking story of a woman she knew of named Rachel, who, in pursuit of modesty, stuck pins into her calves to make sure her skirt wouldn’t blow up in a breeze and thus expose her knees.

“I cringe when I hear that,” Feldman explains. “I can’t stop picturing the punctured calves of a woman, and in my mind the pricking takes place over and over again, each time drawing more blood, tearing muscle, gashing skin. Is that really what God wanted of Rachel? For her to mutilate herself so that no one could catch a glimpse of her knees?”

Of course, Hasidic Jews aren’t the only people who’ve placed huge emphasis on this somewhat-ambiguous and seemingly-arbitrary idea called female “modesty.”

Most conservative religious communities, essentially since the beginning of time, have made female modesty a major part of their platform—and even public schools in America, as has been well-documented, have been caught in the cross-fire, with some schools banning yoga pants because of the distraction they apparently are to male students.

Simply put, since time immemorial, men—especially from conservative religious communities—have been blaming women for their lustful thoughts, putting the onus on females to keep their thoughts pure.

But, perhaps surprisingly, do you know who doesn’t place the responsibility on women for male purity?

God.

At least according to the Bible.

Allowing God to speak for himself

I must admit that I myself, for many years, subscribed to this “modesty culture.”

In fact, about a decade ago I even preached what was probably the worst and most regrettable sermon I’ve ever preached, which I entitled, “It’s All Foreplay.”

In it, I made the basic arguments outlined above—insisting that, because men are so visual, what a woman wears communicates to men, whether she intends to or not, of her sexual availability, leading them into inappropriate and lustful thinking.

As I said, it was an absolutely awful and regrettable sermon—and, if it was recorded, I hope it has been permanently expunged from the heavenly cloud.

The funny thing is, I don’t recall what passages from Scripture I even used—probably because, in all honesty, I’ve come to realize in the intervening years that there are none.

And I mean none (of course, I may be missing them).

Indeed, as I’ve scoured the pages of Scripture—both the Hebrew Bible and the New Testament—I’ve yet to find a single verse that tells women they shouldn’t wear “seductive” clothes or that they’re responsible for male lust (the one verse that’s most often cited in the New Testament, 1 Timothy 2:9-10, seems to be talking about financial modesty and has nothing to do with how much skin a woman does or doesn’t show).

But you know what the Bible does say—through the words of Jesus?

“If you’re right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you” (Matthew 5:29).

Crucially, these words from Jesus come directly after talking about male lust—of men committing adultery in their hearts by looking at women lustfully.

So check this out: Jesus doesn’t “victim blame” by telling women they’re responsible for their brothers’ thought-life. Instead, he places the responsibility strictly on the lusting agent, telling men to “man up” and control themselves.

We should take our cues from Jesus and, especially if we’re “Bible-believing” Christians, refuse to put words in God’s mouth about what women should or shouldn’t wear.

Where Scripture is silent we should therefore remain silent. (As an aside, it’s funny—though sad and tragic—to me, going back to what I shared last week, that quite often the people who claim to be the most Bible-centered are often the most likely ones to claim the Bible says what the Bible never says.)

Keeping the baby?

Of course, I know the response: we shouldn’t “throw the baby out with the bathwater.”

That the “modesty” discussion has at times been presented in a shame-based and legalistic way, some will say, shouldn’t cause us to avoid talking about it altogether. We can still discuss it in a gracious, love-centered why.

But can we?

Should we even try?

Why would we want to place roadblocks where God has placed none—especially when those roadblocks have led to all manner of tragic shame-based thinking for one gender in particular (including eating disorders)?[i]

There are, simply put, far more pressing matters to worry about—matters which God has actually revealed in Scripture but we don’t pay as much attention to (treating others with kindness, grace, and patience; caring for the poor and oppressed; pursuing equity and justice; etc.).

“Modesty” is always in the eye of the beholder anyway (even the most modestly-dressed Christian woman in America would look like a Victoria’s Secret model compared to what is acceptable in many Middle Eastern countries).

Sadly, there are too many religious people who worry too much about such matters—and it’s not just men who “mansplain” but women who also try to police other women as well.

Just the other day, in fact, a video came across my Instagram feed of a bunch of young people lip-syncing to a beautiful worship song.

But do you know what happened? Before the song was over, I saw one woman comment, “Why didn’t you dress modestly? God said to dress modestly.”

Really?

He did?

Where did he say this?

Let’s keep the main thing the main thing and refuse to try to dictate how other people express themselves.

Let’s say “yes” to the dress and “no” to man-made modesty culture.

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[i] During the writing of this piece, I came across various lines of research which actually seem to suggest that immodesty leads to higher rates of shame and potential eating disorders. For example, one experiment found that young ladies who were asked to wear swimsuits experienced greater “self-objectification” and shame than young ladies who were asked to wear sweaters. This suggests there’s a link between immodesty and negative self-image, rather than the opposite.

However, studies like this touch on a different aspect of modesty. These feelings of shame and self-objectification seem to be the result of young ladies not feeling like they live up to an idealized picture of beauty; their bodies are therefore not beautiful enough in their minds, which can lead to feelings of shame and various psychological disorders.

In conservative religious contexts, however, where modesty is emphasized, shame arises in the psyches of young ladies not because their bodies aren’t beautiful enough but because they’ve been told that their bodies are too beautiful and therefore the cause of male lust. Thus, they learn to hate and despise their bodies, which can lead to all manner of negative psychological repercussions.

I’m not aware of any research that has yet been conducted on this latter aspect of dress and modesty, but I’d think it would be a fruitful avenue for exploration.

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Shawn is a pastor in Maine, whose life, ministry, and writing focus on incarnational expressions of faith. The author of four books and a columnist for Adventist Review, he is also a DPhil (PhD) candidate at the University of Oxford, focusing on nineteenth-century American Christianity. You can follow him on Instagram, and listen to his podcast Mission Lab.